Like wearing half-and-half scarves, Real Fans don’t have second teams. If you’re one of those this isn’t for you.
But for the rest, who can take joy in the triumphs of others (normally when they don’t directly inhibit the progress of our One True Loves) we’ve taken a look at some contenders to become your soft spot for the season.
We’ve ruled Brighton out as they’ve held the position for too many for too long and frankly we’re tired of their brilliant recruitment, groundbreaking coaching and general excellence. Here are the top five Premier League options besides.
Aston Villa
A tough sell given the masses are bound to feel uncomfortable in supporting a club owned by a billionaire that’s now competing in the Champions League and remains prepared to splash the cash in a bid to stay there.
But if Unai Emery wasn’t successful in quelling those qualms last season by playing fast-paced, entertaining football on his way to breaking the Big Six stranglehold at the top of the Premier League, their business this summer so far should have further opened minds and two rumoured transfers would surely secure their place as the top alternative for most.
There’s the lure of the unknown in Samuel Iling-Junior, Lewis Dobbin, Enzo Barrenechea and Jaden Philogene, with the latter a particularly enticing prospect. We’re all looking forward to just where Ian Maatsen is going to rank among Chelsea academy player sale regrets, we’re intrigued as to how well Amadou Onana can fill Douglas Luiz’s shoes and can’t wait to see whether Ross Barkley can carry his Luton form with him to finally come good at a top club, as he always threatened to.
But all of those exciting additions would pale in comparison to the arrivals of either or both of Jack Grealish and Romelu Lukaku. The return of their once most-loved son and captain whom most Villa fans have since been sticking pins in effigies of, as well as a guy who presumably still has “unfinished business” in the Premier League that will bully defenders into submission and miss open goals in equal measure.
Crystal Palace
It’s a real shame that Oliver Glasner couldn’t keep the whole band together but just as AC/DC made ‘Back in Black’ post Bon Scott, we reckon Crystal Palace may be on course for their greatest ever Premier League campaign despite losing Michael Olise to Bayern Munich.
They got 19 points from their final seven games of last season, including a win over Liverpool and absolute batterings of Manchester United and Aston Villa, scoring 21 goals in the process. They were an absolute delight to watch then and we can only assume that they’ll continue to be wonderful after a full pre-season in which Glasner’s methods have been properly drilled into them.
We’re all hoping they can keep hold of Eberechi Eze, who may well be our favourite player to watch in the Premier League, though Adam Wharton would be up there. The astonishing improvement in Jean-Philippe Mateta offers a further carrot for audiences, as does the impact of Daniel Munoz in the second half of last season, while Daichi Kamada on a free transfer could well be a very shrewd bit of business.
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Ipswich
League One to the Premier League in two seasons under a young English manager who’s got them playing attractive, winning football on a meagre budget and decided to sign a new contract at the club despite strong interest in his services from Brighton, Chelsea and Manchester United. There’s a lot to like about Kieran McKenna and Ipswich aside from them being the clear underdogs in the top flight this season.
The market value of their squad is less than half that of Leicester, who have the the second lowest in the Premier League, and roughly six per cent of Manchester City’s. They’ve got some interesting players as well with Omari Hutchinson joining in a permanent deal after a brilliant loan spell from Chelsea, while City academy graduate Liam Delap and Jacob Greaves have both also arrived having shone for Hull last term.
Fulham
They were in real danger of being just about the only ‘meh’ team this season with no one particularly bothered by what they might do as we looked set to fail to remember them in our ranking of 19 Premier League clubs by how much the club crests annoy us or some other brilliant nonsense.
But Emile Smith Rowe will make them at least three times as watchable should they agree personal terms thanks mainly to the delightful prospect of his clear talent making Arsenal and Mikel Arteta look a bit silly, which we’re all desperately in need of on the back of far too many sound calls from that formerly unhinged football club.
They’re also thought to be keen on Scott McTominay, which offers similar Big Club schadenfreude prospects.
Bournemouth
A very talented young coach in charge of a young team with plenty of quality and even more potential. Any or all of Ilya Zabarnyi, Milos Kerkez, Alex Scott and Dango Ouattara could be worth £50m+ come the end of a season in which we fully expect Bournemouth to get battered on occasion, as they did last term, but more frequently get all of the Andoni Iraola cogs turning in unison to earn points and cause upsets.
We’re also very excited to see Dean Huijsen, the 19-year-old centre-back signed from Juventus for £14m, and hope Iraola doesn’t entirely curb the teeager’s extincts, which appear to mainly involve him getting the ball as the deepest man and attempting to dribble the length of the pitch to score.
There’s surprisingly very little noise surrounding the future of Dominic Solanke, and assuming he stays Bournemouth appear to have most bases covered, generally with very exciting footballers.