It has been at least 15 minutes since Chelsea handed a massive contract to a player they did not need, so it is no great surprise that they are considering a late move for Ivan Toney. Brentford, though, expect the player to join Al-Ahli as per his childhood dream of one day running out for The Classy Ones; the Mill is choking up.
Meantime their traditional rivals, Al-Hilal, are also hoping to be busy. They fancy a full-back so are looking at Kyle Walker and João Cancelo, in case either prefers swapping quality football, packed stadiums and the Champions League for the chance to crown their career at football’s Fyre festival.
Manchester City are not finished in the market. Ilkay Gundogan may leave Barcelona and City are interested in bringing him back to the Etihad – a move which would lower the average age of their midfield to roughly 68 years and nine months.
Manchester United have yet to sign a player in that position, a testament to the epochal success of last season’s revolutionary and much-loved doughnut formation. It does, though, seem like Paris Saint-Germain will eventually accept that no one else wants or will pay for Manuel Ugarte, bringing to an end one of the most tedious and irrelevant transfer sagas of recent times.
However, with Fulham close to closing a deal with Burnley for Sander Berge, the chances are that Scott McTominay will not be swapping Old Trafford for Craven Cottage. This does not necessarily consign him to a season in the shadows, but if Napoli decide that a midfielder who can be found anywhere but midfield is not the exact thing they are missing, he is likely to stay where he is.
Elsewhere, Real Sociedad have refused to lower their valuation of Mikel Merino from one that suits them to one that suits Mikel Arteta. It is unclear how the two-times Premier League runner-up will process this disrespect to his storied legacy remains to be seen, but the Mill is excited to feel the cringe of the analogy he uses to drive the point home to his players.
On the other hand, Arsenal have rejected Nottingham Forest’s bid of £25m plus add-ons for Eddie Nketiah. The player had planned to join Roberto De Zerbi, the latest moral crusader to remind you why you hate football and humanity, at Marseille, but that deal also fell apart when Arsenal’s valuation was not met.
They may, though, rid themselves of one of the game’s great characters: Wolves have submitted a bid for Aaron Ramsdale. You may remember him as the progenitor of such classic nicknames as “Teeth” for Gabriel Magalhães and “Tan” for Benjamin White, but he also keeps goal occasionally and is such a character that Gary O’Neil hopes to take him on loan with an option to buy. Which makes perfect sense, as he is just such a character, an absolute character with the heart of a character who never lets you forget that he is a character.
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And finally for today to Turin, where Juventus have a need for insubordinate English wingers. They were said to be exploring a move for Jadon Sancho, whose nice feet and lack of aggression seem perfectly calibrated to ensure Thiago Motta spends his life on a rolling boil, but have since switched their attention to Raheem Sterling, who may have had enough of life at Chelsea; Chelsea are contemplating signing him from themselves on a 69-year contract.