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Man Utd’s 15 goals conceded in the Champions League group stage

Manchester United’s Champions League campaign has come to a catastrophic end at the group stage.

Tuesday night’s 1-0 defeat at home to Bayern Munich ensured the Red Devils have been eliminated from European competition for the 2023/24 season, becoming only the fourth English team to finish bottom of their group.

United have also set a new unwanted record of most goals conceded by an English side in the groups, shipping 15 in only six games.

What’s worse for Erik ten Hag’s men is a lot of these were self-inflicted, needless or just flat-out hilarious.

And that’s why we’re here today. Here are all 15 goals United gave up in the Champions League this season, ranked by how laughingly devastating they were.

United were on the receiving end of some bogus refereeing and VAR decisions during the group stage, so we’ll start with those goals first.

Who even knows what handball is meant to be anymore. Christian Eriksen was deemed guilty away at Bayern, and his former Tottenham teammate Harry Kane converted from the spot.

Harry Maguire was next to be judged of illegally handling the ball, with ex-Nottingham Forest loanee Diogo Goncalves taking advantage from 12 yards.

Sometimes you simply have to doff your cap to a good goal. United closed down Kerem Akturkoglu and Andre Onana quickly threw up a hand, but his strike was too fierce to keep out.

At this point of their clash with Copenhagen, United were already down to ten men and were just looking to reach half-time in tact. They packed the box, but Southampton alumni Mohamed Elyounoussi managed to find some space to both free himself and find the net.

It’s a nice pass by Kane, it’s a nice finish by Kingsley Coman, United were already on their way out of Europe, but…some movement from Onana that isn’t just his reaction to hearing a fire alarm in the middle of the night wouldn’t have gone amiss.

One could argue there is simply no way of stopping a Football Manager prophecy from being fulfilled. I would argue someone should have thrown themselves at Roony Bardghji.

United were horrifically dead on their feet by the 60-minute mark of their loss at Bayern, which probably explains why Mathys Tel was so easily able to evade Victor Lindelof late in the day.

Not too dissimilar to Mohamed Elyounoussi’s goal, but this was with all 11 men on the pitch. Get a bloody grip, United.

When you talk about deep crosses, there are ones that are just deep, and some that are deeeeeeep. There’s no way Diogo Dalot should have been beaten to the back post by Lukas Lerager.

A poor pass into midfield (a recurring theme in United’s season) allowed Galatasaray to break at pace, with the home defence politely parting to allow Akturkoglu requisite room to pick his spot.

Just…could you try defending? When you’re already down to ten?

At best, Onana was unsighted.

At worst, he’s a bad goalkeeper.

You come to your own conclusion.

There’s only so many excuses I can preface these with, Andre.

In terms of comedy value, this is is probably number one. It’s almost slapstick. But it isn’t quite number one.

What is Onana even trying to do? All he needs to do is stand still. If he does nothing, he does something. Goodness gracious.


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